how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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