We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
