Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just want to make out with him forever
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
