There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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