I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
