We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
