Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
