Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
