i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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