This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
