I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
