I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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