cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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