I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
