I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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