I'm really into asian looking animals
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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