when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
