My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
