dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
