I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
