Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I didn't notice because vodka
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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