Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My penis needs a shock collar
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
