i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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