this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
