you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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