well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
