I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
