some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
