I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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