Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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