I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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