I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
