I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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