Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
