You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
its not stalking. its research.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
