He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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