i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
