Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
