Walk of Shame. In a state park.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
