Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
