You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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