apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
