He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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