Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
