We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
