Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
