I love black thongs
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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