she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
