Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
