Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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