you would pick up someone in the library
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Drunk is not a location!
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