I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
