You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
