i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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