Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
