Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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