Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
