Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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