hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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