the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
