I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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