Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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