somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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