chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
