im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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