I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
