he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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