lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
